Have you ever been invited to a dinner party and been greeted by a host or hostess? They are the first face you see, they greet you with a smile, and ask what your needs are and promptly take your things. After knowing what is needed and wanted, they quickly let you know they are working on it, and will take you to your table. They spend the rest of the evening making you feel like a king or queen! You know they are taking care of you! For the next 3 weeks we will be laying out a great way to look at marriage!
Several months ago we attended a beautiful wedding and heard something we have never heard before. We heard about the host and hostess mentality in marriage. Several weeks later our Pastor and First Lady taught some of our future young marrieds about the host, hostess and guest marriage. We will begin with the Host/Guest relationship. Is this a good method for marriage?
The host or hostess in marriage is the one who loves to meet the need. Some people are naturally a caregiver, they love to serve, to entertain, to make their spouse feel welcome and loved. The host or hostess in marriage is the one always thinking ahead, preparing, and making every last detail special. Are you a host or hostess in your marriage?
When you are a guest, you are just there to enjoy the fruit of someone else labor. You come in, sit down, and relax! Knowing the host or hostess will come in and meet your every need. You will be pampered, given great food, and lots of love. You don’t have a care in the world. Guests are indulging in all of the blessings with none of the work! Are you a guest in your marriage??
If you are in a host/guest relationship in your marriage, you are going to struggle. This is not the best God has for you. Its a giver and a taker. You might be the one giving and being taken advantage of, even if you enjoy being the host or hostess. Being the guest in this marriage, looks great, feels great, and is very selfish. Who wouldn’t love to be pampered all of the time without having to do anything to receive this kind of treatment?
Sadly, this kind of relationship can’t last very long without resentment coming into the relationship. This marriage may last for years, maybe even as long as you have breath, but it won’t be a happy marriage, and it will certainly have resentment present. You see the host or hostess may continue their role, but they most likely wont share their hurt or sadness that they are carrying the load. When this happens resentment starts to bloom. This can destroy or damage what could have been a wonderful marriage.
What To Do?
When you realize this is the kind of relationship you are modeling, you can start to work on God’s best. We will discuss what that is in the future blogs, but for this week, we can start by recognizing what our model is. If you are a guest, you can start to realize how this might hurt your spouse. Pray and then talk to your spouse. The host or hostess can look at where they may be hurting, pray, then talk to your spouse honestly about how things may have been building up in your heart. Put God first, and see how He helps you to start building on His foundation for marriage.
Our prayer for you this week is that you realize which type you may be? Looking at how this affects the one you love, and how you can start to change this for the better!! God is pleased you are reflecting on how you may be acting and are wanting to change to invest in your marriage!!
Monday: Revelation 19:6-9 says, “And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.” We represent Jesus and the church. They were invited but they weren’t just guests, there is requirements of all who enter.
Tuesday: 1 John 3:18 says, “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” Pray today for God to help you love in deed and in truth in your marriage.
Wednesday: Mark 10:44 says, “And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.” Serving is a way of life for a christian, and in marriage as well. Praying today for a servants heart.
Thursday: Revelation 3:20 says, ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” A guest receives the benefits of the one who asks them to come. Pray today for the Lord to show you if you are just a guest in your home and marriage.
Friday: Philippians 2:3 says, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” Pray for a heart to esteem your spouse.
Saturday: Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without grumbling or disputing;” If you are the host or hostess in the relationship don’t let it bring you to resentment. Pray God helps you today to love and serve your spouse.
Sunday: 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” Pray God helps you to truly communicate your needs and wants in marriage and practice this verse!
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Thank you for investing in your marriage and you too can have a happily ever married marriage!!
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