As we enter into the 11th year of our marriage in a little over a month, we have seen ups and downs in our marriage. We have such a wonderful marriage and are so blessed, but arguments will still happen. We never get to a place where everything is perfect, and we agree on everything. Although, we do agree on most things now. We have worked hard and are still working hard at becoming one. In the midst of times of stress and sometimes chaos, arguments will arise and the question I need to ask myself is, “Do I need to be right?”
Why do we feel the need to be right? In any given situation in life, most, if not all of us, feel the need to be right, or think we are right. What does it really get us? Being right brings a sense of pride, that we are smart, accomplished, respected, and affirmed. It makes us feel superior, and in doing so, it brings satisfaction of our flesh. If we are always right, that means someone else is wrong, and in marriage that is not a good victory.
They Are Wrong
Usually when a married couple is fighting, struggling, or even on the brink of divorce, they are telling those they confide in it’s their spouses fault. This could be a very true assessment, but, it takes two people to make or break a marriage. If no one is willing to let down their pride and say I’m sorry, or I’m wrong, it will be very difficult to make it work. What if we let go of being right, and humbled ourselves?
The idea of humbling oneself isn’t just about taking the high road and being the better person, that is still soaked in pride. It simply means that we humble our heart, forgive, and move forward with grace for our spouse. Humbling moments come when we let go of our ideas, motives, and fleshly pride and say, “I’m wrong, I’m sorry.” It’s a simple yet profound idea of loving our spouse through their faults just like Jesus does with us. Actually, it’s not a new idea, it’s as old as the bible. God forgave our faults, our attitudes, and our flesh from the beginning.
What If They Really Were Wrong?
To all those reading this and struggling with a hurt, a stressful situation, a betrayal, I say, it’s ok to say, let’s move past this, I forgive you. It won’t be easy, but whoever said marriage, or life for that matter, is easy? We all go through things that aren’t easy. I love it when life is going our way, and bills are paid, the vacation is set, everyone is healthy, and life is good. Reality is just around the corner though, because we don’t live on mountain tops, we live in a fallen world, and we grow in the valley.
I like to be right, yes, I said it. I Like to be right! If your honest, you like it too. It makes me feel good knowing I was right. That is my flesh talking, but when I consider the cost of being right, I start to reconsider. I want a good, healthy marriage, life, walk with God, and when I have to be right, things go wrong. I hurt my husband, myself, my family, and especially my God. My attitude determines how my life will play out when it comes to how I respond to tough situations. My life is far from perfect, but when my heart is tender, and repentant, I can say, “I’m sorry..”
How Do I Get There?
How do I get to a place of not having to be right? It takes time, and it is a daily process. I have to die daily to my stinking flesh. I need to spend time with Jesus, and then love my husband. It comes out of self reflection, self examination, and submission. I have to submit myself to God, then to my husband, and when I do… the results are amazing. I become who God purposed for me to be, and become the wife I am destined to be. Prayer, fasting, the word, more prayer, putting away things that distract me, getting my home in order, and learning to walk in marriage with a, “I can be wrong” heart. This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship! When we can repent to God, we can be wrong in marriage, and can have a happily ever married marriage.
Our prayer for your marriage today is that you take whatever comes with love, mercy, and grace. Pray for a tender heart that is quick to forgive, say I’m sorry, and move on. We pray for peace and joy to be apart of your everyday marriage, and that you don’t allow trials to dictate how you respond to one another. Finally, we pray that you learn to kill your flesh in marriage and remember God is so gracious to us to forgive our shortcomings, so that we in turn can forgive ourselves and our spouses. To treat each other with a powerful love and gentleness that only comes through time spent with the Lord!
Monday: Philippians 2:14 says, ” Do all things without murmurings and disputings:” Pray each day that you can find a way to communicate to your spouse without arguing.
Tuesday: Matthew 7:3 says, “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” It’s easy to find fault with the other person. Pray God helps you to look at yourself to adjust the areas in your life that need it.
Wednesday: Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” Pride can ruin any relationship, pray today for God to help you to walk in humility.
Thursday: Revelation 13:8 says, “the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.” Forgiveness was on the mind of God before He ever even created it.. Think about this and pray for your spouse today!
Friday: James 1:19 says, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” Even if your spouse is wrong, pray to keep a right heart and attitude today with this scripture in mind.
Saturday: Romans 12:2 says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Pray to be like Jesus and shun the ideas and attitudes of this world.
Sunday: James 4:1-3 says, “From whence [come] wars and fightings among you? [come they] not hence, [even] of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume [it] upon your lusts.” Pray God help you to lay your flesh daily at the altar!
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