Blended Families, For Her, For Him, Young Marrieds

The Blame Game

Adam And Eve

Blaming someone else started in the garden of Eden, and it began with Adam and Eve. When we look back to the beginning of the creation of human beings, we see the blame game was just getting started. The fall of man by sin made way for the idea that we didn’t do anything wrong. Last week we discussed the subject of, “Do I Need To Be Right?” This week we will discuss not being wrong. We have this innate, carnal, and idealistic way of thinking that it’s not our fault, so we blame someone else. We partake of the forbidden fruit.

What Does It Mean To Blame?

Blaming is shifting the responsibility to someone else, not taking responsibility for your actions and find fault with others. The free dictionary says; an expression of condemnation; reproof, to accuse. We can look at others around us, and say they are the reasons for our failures, our attitudes, our wrong actions. People who blame all the time are never wrong, and never seem to see what they might be doing to cause the problem. If you are always in some kind of situation that it seems like the world is against you, it may be time for some deep soul searching and self reflection.

Am I The Problem?

If you want to grow in life, self observation is a good thing. When we can look at our actions, our attitude, what we are speaking on a daily basis, then we can become aware of who we are. When I look at myself, and not others around me, I can see that I need to change areas of my life. Sometimes, we can think everyone else has the problem and we are right. Usually when this happens we lose out on a lot of great opportunities in life, in marriage, in relationships, and in our homes. We can talk ourselves into believing the world is against us. This can come in many forms: problems in marriage, race issues, work problems, etc. We aren’t always going to be right, and we could be the problem.

Do I Blame?

I think it’s fair to say that in our flesh it is easy to blame others. We can do it without even thinking about it. I have done it, and most likely so have you. We can get into pride and believe we haven’t been at fault. The other person is the reason we do this, or that. Elenor Rosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The same is true for when we blame someone for our actions or for what happened, because of what they did. This can definitely happen in marriage.

Do I Blame In Marriage?

Marriage is all about becoming one, and learning to prefer the other, to leave self at the door. At home, when we are comfortable, and our guard is down we have a tendency to let our true colors show. We can hurt the one we love the most with our words and actions when we blame the other for what is going on. When stress is present, emotions are high, and we are not intentional, we can become blamers. We can point our finger and say, “if you would have done this, or not done that, things would be good.” We can blame our spouse for what isn’t right.

What’s The Solution?

How do we handle our emotions, and not blame others. We first get to the root of why we do what we do. Sometimes, I believe it’s because of how we grew up, what we heard, and we copied and duplicated it. Other times, it’s because we may have a root of bitterness in our hearts that sprung up out of deep hurt and unforgiveness. Flesh is a big reason, it’s human nature, and we can’t take responsibility for our actions because of pride. Whatever the reason, we need to lay it before the Lord, repent and pray for God to help us change. I believe this is a process that is continual because we can’t kill our flesh, it is always present. So we must die daily.

How Did God Handle It?

When Adam blamed God and then Eve, He asked a question He already knew the answer to. He then asked Eve and she then blamed the serpent. What did God do? He didn’t argue, He didn’t chide, He didn’t say how disappointed He was. He just started handing out consequences for their actions. They were grave consequences and it has effected mankind ever since then. I personally want to walk in the fear of the Lord, but I know I fall short, make mistakes, and falter. What do I do when I fall? I arise, I repent, and I get back up! I pray for forgiveness, and even though God has paid the price, I may still have a consequence for my actions. It may be trust broken, or hurt feelings, or it may be a wedge. The good news is, that God can take our mistakes and turn it around for a testimony of His great grace, mercy, and love!!

Prayer

Our prayer for you is to take some inventory this week, to see if you blame your spouse or those around you. To recognize it, and take action to be cognizant of your actions and words, and start making steps to change. If you already know you do this, pray that God will help you to not look at others, your spouse, etc, and instead look to Him for help to see what you need to change and live in a place of taking responsibility. Being intentional and working on the only one you can change: YOU. We all have to come to a place and say, it’s not everyone else, it’s me. When we admit our wrong to God, ourselves, and our spouse, then we can truly move toward being free!

Scriptures

Monday: Romans 5:12 says, “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” Praying we recognize what one action can produce in our marriage and lives.

Tuesday: Proverbs 28:13 says, ” He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh [them] shall have mercy.” Pray today for mercy and Gods help to not blame others for our actions.

Wednesday: James 1:24 says, “For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.” How easily we can forget our faults and blame others. Praying we see our reflection and work on who we are to be in Jesus!

Thursday: Matthew 7:3 says, “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” Praying for God to help you not to see what others problems are but what your own problems are. Something we all need to work on and pray for help with!

Friday: James 1:26 says, “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.” This is my prayer daily, asking the Lord to help me bridle my tongue.

Saturday: Hebrews 12:15 says, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;” Praying today for a clean heart free from all bitterness.

Sunday: Genesis 3:12-13 says, “Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done? ”The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Blaming is easy, taking responsibility is not, praying today for courage to take responsibility.

Contact

Please feel free to contact us at janene@happilyevermarried.org or share and read more blog posts at http://happilyevermarried.org

Thank you for investing in your marriage and know you too can have a happily ever married marriage!!

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