That Old Adage
Have you heard that old adage, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” It is actually biblical. We love the idea of this, but have a hard time with the follow through. Basically, easier said than done. We love the idea of someone, especially our spouse treating us the way we want to be treated, and would be quick to tell them that. But, are we willing to treat them the way we want to be treated even if they aren’t recipricol?
What if you were asked to give 100% without any chance of receiving love from your spouse? You actually are called to love without getting anything in return. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, you made a vow to love them. They made a vow too, but you are responsible for you. This can be very difficult when you aren’t being treated right, and are feeling neglected or rejected.
Abuse is not acceptable, if you are truly being abused, get some help from the athorities, get counseling if there is a possibility of change, but please make sure you and your children are safe. We never condone abuse! Heated arguments can happen, and even normal people can act out of their normal character when things are tough. So just know, you can make it through, and have a blessed marriage.
Know Whats Normal
You may need to get council from a trusted Pastor, and or his wife, a godly woman/leader in the church, to know whats normal. Most pastors and their wives have seen and heard their fair share of arguments and even fights among married couples. But we need to remember, if you don’t argue, you don’t have a marriage. You will disagree, and even sometimes loudly, but that isn’t cause to throw in the “preverbal towel.” Sit down, cool off, and find a way to communicate. And if need be, get a wise third party to help talk it through.
Treat your spouse with respect, love, honor, and you will see their demeanor change. Treat them the way you would love for them to treat you even if you haven’t seen those actions in a while. It could be you both are acting out of hurt, and so it’s a cycle of disregard for each other and each others feelings. What if you think their feelings are wrong? Do it anyway.
Our feelings can get out of control, they can run away with all rationality. On the other hand, our feelings at the time may be valid and are a good indicator of what is going on. If your spouse is trying to tell you they are sad, angry, depressed, irritated, listen to them. Listen to what they are saying without thinking they don’t have a right to feel that way, or that they are just being emotional. God made us emotional beings. Above all your spouse needs to feel safe.
If your spouse feels safe, they will grow, respond, laugh, and truly live. It may be they brought a lot of baggage into the marriage, from a past relationships or even their childhood. No matter where it comes from, they still need to heal, grieve, give it to God, and communicate with you what is going on, and you need to give them the space to heal. Help them to know, by your actions, body language, and words, that you love them and they can talk it through with you. That they can cry, and feel safe. You won’t judge them or get mad at them. Most of these issues come from fear of being unloved.
Our prayer for you who are struggling with and in your marriage, is that you can learn to love unabandoned in your relationship with your spouse, and family. Learning to do unto them, as you would have them do unto you! To give 100% of yourself to your marriage, and to the one you chose to marry. Help them through communicating with them that they are safe. Hug them, hold them, and let them know it will be ok. Eventually, you will see the fruit of love come in your marriage.
Monday: Matthew 7:12 says, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” This is also know as the golden rule. Pray today that you can love your spouse the way you wish to be treated!
Tuesday: Luke 6:35 says, “But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.” Your spouse isn’t your enemy, but God says to love your enemy, so how much more should you be trying with the one you married. God will bless you for giving your all to your marriage.
Wednesday: Psalm 11:5 says, “The Lord trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.” God is against those who love violence, He hates it. If you are in an abusive relationship get help right away.
Thursday: Proverbs 15:18 says, “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” Praying today to be slow to anger, and that you know what is normal and acceptable in your marriage. We can go through a rough time and still have a wonderful marriage.
Friday: Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Forgiveness is a cornerstone of a good marriage. God forgave you. He is so merciful and we need to be merciful in our marriages too.
Saturday: James 1:19 says, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” Being swift to hear takes discipline, and slow to speak is even harder at times. Pray today God helps you to truly listen to your spouse and learn to communicate in a right way.
Sunday: Ephesians 4:2-3, says, with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another [a]in [unselfish] love. 3 Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful]. I don’t usually use a different version, but this so perfectly describes the way we need to love one another to help our spouse to feel safe and loved in our marriage!
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Thank you for investing in your marriage and know you too can have a happily ever married!
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